Independant!

365 Self-portraits Project

2011-01-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

So as of January 1st of this year 2011, I started my first 365 project. I am doing a self-portrait for 365 days consecutively. I have already on two occasions used someone elses art and imposed myself into the picture.... a technique that I will not use again. I feel that even though the idea itself was innovative... I need to stretch myself further so as to deepen my levels of creativity and individuality. Each new picture will come with a brief description of location and reason as well as a title. Having said this, tomorrow I will be uploading the past ten days with their descriptions and titles as well as Day 11 self portrait. Don't judge, just stretch your minds and try to understand the lifestyles I am portraying. Look out... it's going to be exciting!!!!

Lovin' Life!

2010-10-09T09:09:00.000-06:00

Life is what we make of it! Happiness is meant to be felt in the presence. When weare looking behind us or in the distant future all of the time we miss out on everything that is right here with us... in the now! I have great dreams for myself.... huge goals for my future; I also have things I know I should have done differently, but life isn't about yesterday. Life is about making today tomorrow and tomorrow the next day. Let's learn to love what we have and fight for what we want with passion and vigor! Life is a beautiful gift- see it, feel it, experience it, and love it!

Bucket List

2010-09-22T23:08:00.001-06:00

I wish there were a way to freeze my mind for ten minutes so that I could focus one just one subject! I have so many things I want to do in the next year and I know that realistically working two jobs, full time school, staying in shape, and all my little side projects won't fly. Things are going to get sacrificed... so I am making a list now of the things I want to accomplish. Finally, I am making my buck list. I will post it on the right side of my page!

Love is UP

2010-09-21T23:25:00.000-06:00

I have always hated this one thing about myself, and that is that I love so easily and openly. Never recognizing it as a strength or a gift, I only saw how it made me vulnerable and weak, but I couldn't change it. I even spent years trying not to love people, until I woke up one day realising that love is never bad. The word itself can take on no negative form. Love is Love is Love is Love. Lust is not love. Anger is not love. Chastisment is not love. Love doesn't hurt; betrayal, loss, disloyalty, lying, cheating, back-stabbing, and death- these things hurt, but love; love is always good. For "Tis better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all." I finally believe that.
It hurts when you love somebody beyond your own salvation and they turn a cold shoulder to you everytime you need a warm one to cry on... but you still love. If love was bad then we would stop at that point. We wouldn't let ourselves keep hurting over something that wasn't worth hurting over. Some things are worth going through the hard times for though. Even when the pain outweighs the joy a lot of times... the joy outpays the hurt in the end. So love! Love with everything you have! Love who you love. Don't hold back because you're afraid of the pain. Punch fear in the face and stop missing out on the opportunity of a lifetime. "Over-use 'Iloveyou!'" Hold hands, wipe away tears, and hold someone together through a warm embrace. I don't care who you love. Just love, and remember, love is up and it takes people with it.

Stop Hating!

2010-09-20T23:27:00.001-06:00

I wish there was a way in this state to be more open without being an outcast. Individuals base their opinions about where I am going when I die based off of a picture of me and not an actual occasion or event in which they participated with me. How can you develop an opinion about an individual when you haven't even talked to them for a year, and much less 5 years!!!? Let's just get this all out in the open now, so those of you who haven't overcome the stage of pointing and kingdom placing can have your facts straight instead of guessing based off of a brief glimpse of my life. I doubt anyone actually reading this has an issue anyway, but I still want to vent.

I believe in God! I always have and I always will. Because I have a piercing in my tongue, a tattoo on my side, tank-tops & little shorts, friends from the bar, friends that are strippers & whores, and I ride my horses on Sundays doesn't mean I believe less than anyone else. It doesn't make me bad. It's doesn't make me cooler or less cool... It just makes me, Me. Yes, some of these things make me a sinner - just like everyone else in this world. We all have our falls. I don't point my finger and mock others because they are less capable of loving everyone. I don't curse people to Hell because they hold grudges, or lie, or cheat, or pretend to be someone they're not. We all need to get a grip on life and stop tearing one another to pieces. Don't we tear ourselves apart enough as individuals!!!? One of my best friends is a stripper. She works three jobs to keep food on the table for her kids ever since her husband picked up and left her. Every day of her life she crucifies herself for not doing life differently before it turned the way it did; what could can another person tearing her down do!!? Stop! Stop pointing fingers. Stop praying on your rooftops so the whole world can think you're great!! You're not any better than a prostitute or a stripper. Start seeing reason. Start opening your eyes. Start believing. We are here to master ourselves... not each other. Why can't we just get that through our thick heads!!!?

All in!

2010-09-19T23:19:00.000-06:00

Wow! I guess it has been a minute since I have updated my blog. I have a list of excuses for that; remind me later to update you on them. I just got back from Wyoming- I had been living there since January 2009. It was a ride- to say the least! I was considering moving back, but circumstances arose that I couldn't rise above and a greater goal has presented itself to me. So I guess, I am staying here in Utah for a few more years! I will be heading back onto a college campus in just a few short months. It is finally time for me the grab my dreams and run with them. I have been clinging to a hope so vain and improbable that it has literally at times sucked the life right out me. I've worked my butt off for everything I have in life... nothing comes free. I am independent, strong, and intelligent. I think it's time to stop wasting talent; I'm all in!

Up-siDe-DoWn!

2009-02-25T14:38:00.002-07:00

So here is the scoop, I will always love Brian. I guess moving on with my life has been one of the hardest things I've been asked to do. Don't misunderstand and think for one second that Brian is not every bit as great as I have made him out to be - he is. Things just didn't work for us. I think the hardest thing for me to believe is that something good, someday, will work out for me. Bad things seem to work out much too often. I hate to be a pessimist and expect the worst all of the time, but I don't want to be taken off-guard anymore. I want to know that there is something tangibly stable in my life, and just when I think I have found that one thing - bad luck tears it from my grip. I am a good person. I am strong and firm; most things could not knock me off my feet, but losing Brian turned my world upside down. I feel so vulnerable to the pulls of everything harmful. I have never had to be stronger in my life then now, yet I have never felt so weak or afraid. I used to tell Brian that I was safe with him; without him I feel scared. I must say for myself that nothing can destroy me. I will not be ruined our tainted by the ways of this world. I can and will and do overcome all things. This is not the end of Jamie Kay, it is simply another beginning. Get used to it. Jamie Kay Schofield translated means, another beginning. I can only hope that someday one of my "another beginnings" will have an on-going story with a happy ending. My ending will be happy. That is my promise to myself.

I'm getting MARRIED!!!!

2009-01-07T14:21:00.002-07:00

Okay, okay.... I know many of you are waiting for the whole spill on how Brian and I came together. This is going to be a short entry, but rest assured that none else on Earth could bring such joy, happiness, and peace into my life. Brian is a gift from a divine orchestrator whom I have come to know and adore. Brian is a gift from God; I will always love him as such a gift should be cherished forever and ever. I know that sounds so cheesy and maybe to some folk out there slightly stomach-weakening, but I truly feel blessed.

So in November I had gone on a few dates with a guy... he was an alright guy, but I always felt like I had to bend my standards and my beliefs - in a bad way - just to make a guy fall for me. I think that I had gotten pretty good at it over the past couple of years and I was pretty fed up with having to disguise my true identity. One day I was talking to my friend Bekka (she happens to know and understand me more than anybody) and I told her that I really just needed a cowboy. My description of such was a hard-working, strong, straight-forward, honest, horse-loving man who would always treat me the ways a good girl (like myself) deserves to be treated. She agreed with me, and wished me the best of luck. Two or three days later she received an e-mail from Brian; he wanted to know if she knew any women who were looking for a cowboy/wanna-be cowboy that she could set him up with. Now from the information that I have gathered since our first date, Brian has never been one to like blind dates... so this e-mail, in my opinion, was a bolt of inspiration - one I am glad he acted upon.

There is so much more to this entry, like dating for a month, and then getting engaged - how we got engaged, how he makes all of my greatest goals and aspirations a reality, how he treats me like gold, how he never hides his true feelings from me, how I can't live without him now that I know how good life can be with him in it. Brian Christain Larsen was made for me. I have been praying for him all my life. I will add the details in the next few days... so keep watch on this page. I will also post some pictures.

I used to say that it is impossible to fall in love so fast - that it was impossible to know that you have found your perfect match in such a short period of time. I am here to say, I was wrong. Brian and I have so much to learn about one another. We know very little... (I don't even know if I spelled his middle name correctly), but it is divine that we have found one another, and it was by no accident on the Lord's part that we are getting married. Sometimes there is just one person that can make us happy for all eternity. We found each other, and I am grateful!!!

Date-by-date entries coming soon! :)

Don't Give Up!

2008-10-21T00:04:00.003-06:00

I am writing a short entry on perseverance and overcoming heartache or sorrow. I wish that certain people could understand their worth. I wish they could see themselves how I see them - but I was there once too. I couldn't dream of the day that I would finally understand why my friends were so good to me. I never thought that I deserved it. I thought that I was a failure and a loser. Well, I am not a failure. I have never been a loser, and now I wish that I could teach others the same thing, but it cannot be learned simply by me verbalizing or writing it. This must be learned through personal experience. It must be earned. To some it will come with less traumatic experience, others will not be so lucky... but more so in the end. Remember that joy is born of sorrow and suffering. It sucks, but it is the path... we cannot change it. Oh trust me, I know that hiding and pretending life is good seems easier. In fact, it is easier for a short term perspective; however, the ease that accompanies the knowledge of the beauty and intelligence within oneself is empowering. When we have labored and suffered, cried, prayed, pleaded, and...... felt the consequences (be they our own fault, or forced upon us by the selfishness of others), that is when we are free. That is when we come to understand what the term "easy" truly means. Our Savior cannot lift the burden completely until we have accepted it completely. With the acceptance that it happened as well as the acceptance of the hurt which always accompanies hard times, we can honestly let it go. I say honestly because it wouldn't be pretend anymore; we literally cast it out for good-but never without the fight. Never. Now imagine the space we will have opened up within ourselves. Think of all the junk removed from our closets, now we have room for more good things-things that we actually would like to wear. When we honestly remove the icky things, we make room for the truth about who we are. The Lord will see that space a fill it up with light if we ask Him to. I want Him to for all of us. We need Him to.

My Unregistered Firearm Night

2008-10-17T23:02:00.000-06:00

So, tonight I went on a date with a guy named Randy. I knew that it would be something interesting that would occupy the activity portion of our date; however, I never suspected anything quite so amazing as.... well let me start at the beginning.

Randy arrived at my ranch to pick me up for our date at 7:30ish PM. I have never seen him with facial hair, but tonight he had a beard thicker than what would take most men 5 years to grow. I am sure he is used to the reaction that I gave... mine was shock and obnoxious commenting on its thickness. We made small talk about women with excessive facial hair, and men who leave hair above their lips and clean shave everywhere else.

At dinner we had a lemon/lime eating contest. Who could bite into more lemons without making a face won... yeah, of course I won!

We proceeded to Big Lots where we purchased 3 cans of Dill Green Beans, 1 can of Tomato Juice, a can opener, and highly flammable fluid. We drove to my apartment and grabbed some tennis balls, and to the gas station for matches. While parked in front of a police car, Randy had me open both sides of all 3 Dill Bean cans and Duct Tape them together. I followed directions while Randy worked on punching holes in the Tomato juice can. We then taped that can to the bottom of our can pipe. We decided if the officer came and asked us what we were doing we would tell him the truth... "Uh.... well, we're kind of just taping these cans together officer. Seemed like a fun thing to do with ourselves on a Friday night... is that okay?" Really what was happening were the beginning stages of building our own firearm and launching tennis balls into the sky like cannon balls!!! Let's talk about creativity! Well, our cans were too big so it only worked one time... but it was so much fun. We talked about playing fire tennis... a sport I am highly fond of... but my rackets are not here in Highland with me. DRAT!!! We ate Frosty's and now I am writing about it.

I had a great time on my date tonight. There were few awkward moments, and a lot of laughing. Maybe nothing will ever come of this date, but I am so glad I went on it. The fact that I can get along so well with a guy that I have always looked up to tells me that I am worth their time. I am worth the money they send while getting to know me. I never though tI was good enough to go on a date with somebody like Randy until a few weeks ago. I was wrong... I am way good enough!!! If ya see this Randy... thanks a bunch! Good night world!

Jamie has been inspired to Blog it up!!!

2008-09-28T23:54:00.000-06:00

Wow!!! I am finally starting a blog! I am proud of myself for doing it! It may take me a while to catch on but I am excited to get on the ball! I figure it's a brilliant time for me to start blogging because I am finally who and where I want to be in life... It's taken 17 years of .... a lot of poopy times to get me here, but with the help of kind friends and a loving Father in Heaven, here I am! 23 years old, single, and content to live amongst horses!!!

I really just want to thank all of my friends who helped save my life! I wouldn't be where or who I am today without your unwavering patience and Christ-like love! A few specific friends to thank publicly are...

***The entire Palmer family... especially Barbara! I love you my very dear dear friend; truly I can say you have been there through it all! Thank you!

***To my Junior High buddies (I certain it was hardest to love me during these years particularly); Hayley, Carly, Helice... your friendship carried me through many storms of my life. I love you forever for it... and still at times I am compelled to thank my Father for the examples you set for me.

***Thank you! To my high school friends... the ones who let me be me. I love you all very much!

***Cindy!!! My first college friend! Cindy, you know me... the real me, and you always love me, even when I am a butt! You will always be a huge part of my life. I love you like a sister! The last 4 1/2 years could have been hell without you! Thank you for being there and sitting next to me... right when I most needed you to!

***Heather! Ohni... you were the best roommate I could ever dream of. You held my hair when I was sick! You took me to the dentist to get my teeth pulled! You studied with me! You cooked with me! You walked my chicken-tush down 700 North in Provo with little shame at all! You held my hand when I needed one to hold. you were the best! You were always my ohni! I love you forever!

***Dee Dee... Wow! I don't know why it took me so long to get to know you, but I am glad it happened! You are so hospitable and loving and sweet and kind! You remind me of Joan Palmer... doesn't that say it all!? I just love you! I appreciate you and Eric for letting me crash on your couch while I was figuring out my life! I am grateful to know I have so many places to turn for charity when I'm a little down. Ha! I didn't even pay you rent money!!!

***Aimee, you just straight up took me under your wing during the hardest years of my adolescent life and sheltered me the best you could! Truly you are a guardian angel! You saved my life many times. I love you!

***My family too. Especially Aunt Sue and Uncle Kip! This has been the hardest year of my life, and you are the family that stood up and protected me. I love you, and thank you... and to my cousins who love me and try to understand my need for them and their family. i love all of you! Please know that I recognize your place in my becoming whole... finally! Kates! I couldn't ask for a more understanding sister. I know it is hard to listen to me vent about people who are very important to you... but I thank you for understanding and loving me still. You mean more than the world to me. I love you so much!

***Fishy... you just loved me when I thought nobody in this world did! I needed you immensely when you came, and it was apparent by how quickly I clung to you! You have had to be more patient with my learning and growing up then any of the above friends mentioned. I appreciate your patience! I love you and cherish you! Thank you!

***Oh and you too Rob!!! You are proof to me that people can step it up! You are proof of unconditional love and friendship. I will always be grateful for you, and all I learned from you! Yes, and as you know, I will always love you. You taught me how to do that! Thank you! I still have hope for my future because of your dedication to our friendship despite all the pain I have caused you!

There are so many of you scattered everywhere I turn, I cannot name all of you!!! But to those who I have named... know that you have helped bring light and joy into my life. An inexpressible amount of joy that I never deemed possible. Oh how I was wrong! For only when we truly have felt the pain and the sorrows of life, can we experience a higher level of the joys! I am entirely different from the heavy laden Jamie Kay that some of you may remember! I want to scatter sunshine all along the way... and not to cover up my own pain, but to share my joy with all who cross my path. Just as you have done for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! May god bless all of you!